Idol Bitch Slap

You know, those judges really don't like Prima Donnas.

I think they mistook Shannon McGough for one, and seemed overly harsh on her. They do like building these contestants up, just to bitch slap them down for entertainment value. Maybe they were just offended by her clothing or expected her to be a better singer, having won so many competitions.

Nellie Oleson lives on in the form of Precious Prima Donna Julie Dubela, and yes, I admit, I enjoyed the little reality check they dished out to her. Once rejected, her response was "don't audition for American Idol, don't watch the show". Just like Nellie!



Lovely ladies Corliss and Britney were tons of fun. I didn't expect these girls to go through, but they can sing and they had delightful personalities. I don't know how Ryan survived without being crushed.



You can check out Buddy TV for a complete recap.

Paul Abdul Hiccups

That's all that I can remember about American Idol last night - oh wait, and Leo Marlowe. He got the gay issue out of the way immediately, just so there will be no speculation. He's likable and he can sing.

The freaks in Omaha are not worth a mention. If you'd like a more detailed recap of last night's show, check out MTV's coverage.

But back to Paula and the hiccup that prompted Simon to call her a "disgusting little pig".

Ford Lets 16 Finalists Out of the American Idol Secrecy Bag - or do They?

We all know that American Idol is all about money and units and selling this and selling that and not really that much about finding recording artists for the long haul. This years cash cows will be amazed how quickly they get put out to pasture by the multi million dollar corporation that herds hopeful wannabes into stadiums across the country by the thousands.

It's nice to see the American Idol money making machinery get a little cog in it's wheels once and a while. If you want to be surprised at who makes the cut, then don't study the picture and don't click on this link to see more pictures.

After viewing the video and seeing this motley crew, I find myself wondering if these were the ones that didn't make it, sent out as decoys? You can see the video over at The Idolator.

American Idol in Charleston

American Idol is running it's course. There just aren't many unique and talented people who show up at the auditions. The auditions are simply a way for the mediocre and deluded to get their few minutes of fame and most of them don't even warrant that bit of attention.

There was the running bit on the expectant Dad which resulted in a baby but no golden ticket to Hollywood. A nice family story for them, not much in entertainment value for us.

Then there was the couple who auditioned to together. Randy Stark and Crystal Ortiz. They are "in love" and the whole thing was corny and the singing was bad. Randy Stark is a guru of sorts over at American Idol message boards, which is where he and Crystal first met. Now they are American Idol rejects and Simon suggests they leave and get a hotel room. Cringing moments from start to finish.

Michelle and Jeffrey Lampkin are brother and sister and both extremely large and boisterous people. I didn't imagine this audition was going to go well, but they sang in harmony they were a delight and both left with the coveted golden tickets.

The Virgin Amy Flynn had a pleasant voice and they voted her through with Randy telling her she has "mad potential" and Simon predicting that she will be the one most likely to annoy. I'm already there Simon.

Captain Lyndsey Goodman is a class act. She is flies C-17's for the Air Force and she is a beautiful young woman. She may have nerves of steal when it comes to flying those honking great aircraft, but her vocal cords reflect her shaky audition nerves and she doesn't get through, which makes no sense when they had just let London Weidberg through, who was not interesting in the slightest and sounded like, in Simon's words "a thousand other girls".

As a large breasted woman, who worries a bit too much about her breasts being the size of her head, my toes curled when I saw Aretha Codner and her two enormous breasts shoved into a strapless dress, left to fend for themselves without any support. They were much bigger than her head, which looked like it didn't belong on that body. She could have at least found a wig to make herself look in balance. Her voice wasn't bad, she just shouted a bit too much. For Simon "the funny blue dress, the huge belt and the screaming just didn't work. She was not expecting to be rejected.

Joshua Boson is the embodiment of the bad loser, the punk with the sense of entitlement, he can't sing and, when he doesn't get what he wants, he turns into a liar as well, by spreading the lie that the judges have said basically that he can't sing and no one in South Carolina can sing.



Next week looks promising. American Idol in Nebraska.

American Idol San Diego Auditions

American Idol was a major disappointment on Tuesday.

Michael Johns was nice. He looked good and he could sing.

There was a montage of badness, but apparently San Diego doesn't harbor many freaks and geeks, or they locked them up during the audition process.

Valerie Reyes believed herself to be the next American Idol having been mistaken vocally for Mariah Carey when singing in the streets. Her voice wasn't that bad, she just warbled off into some strange places while under the delusion that she was sounding like Mariah. When Simon said "Oh - My - God" she thought he meant it in a good way and she was probably going to be the next American Idol. Big Reality check for Valerie.



Monique and Christopher are buddies and the next delusionals to audition. I still can't figure out what Monique had on her feet. Lunch bags, I think. She couldn't sing, not a note. It was sad, because she really thought she could. She wouldn't stop singing, because she knew she could sing and maybe if she kept going she would hit that magic note and they'd let her go to Hollywood. After her own disappointment, she had high hopes that she'd be tagging along with buddy Christopher, but he couldn't sing either and the way he stared at the judges while singing was a little disturbing. Desperation.

Samantha Musa can sing, but her sister really knows how to work a room and how steal her pretty sister's thunder. She ended up sitting on with Simon, on his chair, and becoming the fourth judge for the audition. Samantha got four yeses and her golden ticket to Hollywood. Her sister will be there to make sure she doesn't get all the attention.

Remember Blake Boshnak, the guy that showed up a few seasons ago in the Statue of Liberty costume? Well, he's an American Idol audition pro, having auditioned 11 times. He has a decent voice, but his looks and his mother are liabilities. He just doesn't do it for the judges, who will never get past the Statue of Liberty costume he once wore and he doesn't go through.

Aleberto Hurtado was a soft spoken man with long hair and nails. I got the distinct feeling that he needed to let his inner Boy Shakira out and would be a happier person if he did so.

Another hour tonight, let's hope it's more interesting.

Paula Abdul - Vibeology 1991

Remember this performance of Vibeology from the 1991 music awards?

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American Idol - the Dallas Cattle Call

Pia "Zpia" Easley is the kind of contestant that American Idol should be about. She was stylish, interesting and full of inner sparkle. She could sing, in fact she was a singer rather than a stay at home mom who decided to stroll on down to the American Idol audition to escape her domestic boredom.

But, then the show would just be Star Search and not the Cirque de Disturbia so many of us can't stop watching.

So, let's get to the peculiar, disturbing and creepy.



Queue the banjo music. Bruce Dickson is asked to tell the judges something interesting about himself. The fascinating tidbit he shares is that he has never kissed a girl. Randy asked if it was on purpose. Bruce wears a key on a chain around his neck. He's saving it for that very special girl that he will not kiss until his wedding day and the key fits into a very special heart locket, which he will bestow upon that girl one day, but in the meantime the heart locket is on a chain around his Dad's neck. They lean together and show how the key fits into the slot of the heart. Now that's just Queer, and I don't mean in a homosexual way, they are father and son after all, just queer in the peculiar and creepy sense of the word. His voice isn't bad, but Bruce is not going to Hollywood this year and Randy advises him to go kiss some girls and come back next year.

Brandon Green. Ah, Brandon, if only you hadn't shared your nasty little OCD habit with us, you'd be so much better off. He looks normal, but then he brings out his little baggy full of his own fingernail clippings. He's saved them for seven years, making sure we know he's not a nail biter, just a nail peeler. That makes it so much better. I can't remember how his singing was, only the fingernails. He gets a golden ticket to Hollywood.

Kayla Hatfield had a car accident that made her look like Kyra Sedgewick. Simon wants to be her for a couple of hours each day and he puts in the first “yes” vote to keep her around, so that he can try to find out the secret to happiness. Or steal it from her later.

Kady Malloy is pretty cool and probably one to watch.

Day two of the Dallas auditions brings a tragedy in the form of Douglas Davidson. Doug has father issues. Apparently dad caught him singing one day when he was 16 and told him he hated him. We are soon to understand why. Doug gets caught up in some kind of a vocal cord anxiety attack and goes between trying to warm up and occasionally shouting out parts of “Livin' on a Prayer” and is no longer hearing the judges, so security has to come and take him to a safe place. Witnessing a meltdown is not funny or entertaining, but here's the video if you need to see for yourself.


Kyle Ensley is this years token geek and I like the guy. I vote him the American Idol contestant most likely to get on our nerves first.

Tammy Tuzinski thought compared herself to Celine Dion. A more appropriate comparison would be Tiny Tim on Prozac.

Colton Swon. Don't you just love that name? It's an American Idol name if ever there was one, but I don't think it will win him the title.

American Idol Drew Poppelreiter! Nope, doesn't have the same ring to it, but he's the token farm boy. Cute, but forgettable at this stage of the game.

We ended up with Renaldo Lupez dressed as Zorro Liberace. He was well over the Idol age limit and seemed to have been brought in at the end to help Simon, Randy and Paula with the emotional stress of their job. It worked and in comparison to the rest of the show, was a nice comic relief.

Take a deep breath and enjoy the next five Idol free days.

The American Idol Circus of the Disturbed

The show begins and Ryan Seacrest proudly states "This is American Idol". Naw, we're not buying it these days, we know what it really is and it doesn't have much to do with Idols. It does have to do with Americans though and the show definitely gives us reason to question being proud to be an American. Lucky, yes. Proud, NO!

Simon, Paula and Randy looked like they were at the end of the audition process, not just starting off. It isn't the same is it? The energy is not there and lets face it, once you've seen a few crazies, you've seen all the crazies... almost.

There won't ever be another Kenneth Bush-baby Briggs, but there were a few stand outs on Tuesday night's 2008 premier of American Idol.

Alexis Cohen. She's peculiar, but the audition doesn't go as badly as one might have thought by the look of her and her questionable mental stability. Simon says she might do well in a 60's cover band and after she leaves he remarks to Randy and Paula that she looks like Willem Dafoe. Once she is outside the audition room, there is no more question about her mental health. She goes on a tirade and her mother mumbles things to her like "Simon is English, this is number one, somebody found him and pushed him, years and years and years." Alexis wants to be a vet or an actor. Singing has already gone by the wayside. Alexis leaves with her dignity, as you can see.

Mylo Turk is too old to qualify to be on American Idol, but he's there anyway for some unknown reason, other than he must have a hell of an agent. He's all over the Internet and has made previous appearances on other television shows with his song about abstinence "No Sex Allowed". Someone should tell him there's a difference between abstinence and just not being able to score.

Ahhhhh, a reprieve. Kristy Lee Cook. An American Girl, or at least the way American girls used to be thought of before the likes of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and other sleazy spoiled children started showing their privates and getting arrested for drunk driving. Kristy lives in a log cabin and rides horses. And she can sing. Seems to me that Hollywood is the last place this lovely lady should be going. Stay in the cabin, sing to your horses, don't go to Hollywood.

Okay, back to the loons.

Paul Marturano must have the same agent as Mylo Turk. He's past the age limit too and does a creepy stalker impersonation, singing a stalking song to Paula that include lyrics like: "If she were a doggie, I'd walk her. If she were a blackboard, I'd chalk her. If I were Columbo, I'd Peter Falk her." He's allowed to finish the song, which makes no sense.

My favorite quote from last night's show was one of the loosers, as he left the building looking at the camera and declaring "I'm going to be big by myself". Yup, you go do that, no need to let us know how that's working out for you.

Christina Tolisano, a self confessed Star Wars Geek, dressed as Princess Leah.... well, she had hair like Leah, but she'd lost her costume to Ben Haar, unfortunately. So she settled for a kind of Princess Leah street walker look. She wasn't quite right in the head and when she didn't get a ticket to Hollywood, she proved to have quite a mouth on her, which makes her seem well suited for her future work as a corrections officer. Not that corrections officers are foul mouthed, but it probably helps not to be shocked by such language.

Two more hours of American Idol auditions tonight. Oh goody.

Idol Dream

Give us your nut jobs, your freaks
Your delusional masses yearning
to be famous
The laughing stocks of your
teeming streets
Send these, the rejects, the misfits,
to us
We lift the microphone beside the
Golden Door to Hollywood
and mock them, that they ever dared
to dream the Idol dream.

- jo gillis

The two episode season premier begins tomorrow on Fox.

American Idol 2008 Kicks Off on Tuesday January 15th

It's that time again. I'm gearing up to watch the show I love to hate. The best part of American Idol is the bad, the painful and the ugly tryouts, before it gets to the long and dreary road of choosing which one of the contestants will go on to stardom.... or not.

Do you even remember any of the contestants who were in the final twelve last year? I had forgotten most of them, until going back through some old posts.

Why does this show even exist? It's not like someone woke up some day and said "you know what this world has a shortage of? Celebrities. We need more." It's just a money making venture, purely that and nothing else and it really doesn't pretend to much more than that. Undoubtedly they will dig Clive Davis up again this year just reassure you that the show is about units, units and more units. Nothing more.

I have not had the urge to buy a record, go to a concert or make any kind purchase when it comes to American Idol winners. I checked out Taylor Hicks book and CD from the library, but that's about it. I'm more interested in the book he'll write 20 years from now and the CD lacked soul. Perhaps now that American Idol has cut him loose from his record contract, he'll make some real music.

Seems Idol has been doing a clearing of their stables; Taylor Hicks, Ruben Studdard and Katharine Mcphee have all parted ways with their record labels.

Or maybe they are just discarding the old and making room for the next batch of hopefuls.

Taylor Hicks Girlfriend - the Search Goes On

According to my blog stats, the search string "Taylor Hicks Girlfriend" is still a hot topic. It seems clear that if he had a girlfriend there would be plenty of pictures and videos to prove something of the last eight months of the supposed relationship, in this day of modern technology. But all that exist are a few pics of him on the beach with a blond and now even those ones are not supposed to be of him and Caroline Lyders, the supposed mystery blond in the pics. If you want more information you might take a look over at Radar Online for their update of the Taylor Hicks Fake Girlfriend scenario.

Posts Of Seasons Past

...below and in the archives.