American......... What?

The aliens have landed and they are gathering in Seattle. Time to call Mulder and Sculley. The contestants for this season's American Idol resemble the cast of an X-Files episode – “Humbug”. If the show was about finding freaks for a carnival, then Seattle would have been the mother-lode.

Kenneth "I am a man not a monkey" Briggs. Simon compared him to a Bush "also not a monkey" Baby. Too kind. Did he really think he could be the next American Idol? He couldn't sing, he couldn't dance and he really is very scary looking. I felt sorry for the judges having to look at him in person. It must have been quite unsettling.

Darwin (Misha) Reedy. At 27 years of age, she resembles someone's eccentric old auntie, someone who has long ago gone to seed and whose large, pendulous, sagging breasts swayed around beneath the wrinkled satiny blouse while she did an impersonation of Ben Stein doing the Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha". I cringed. I actually felt sorry for Simon who did seem to try and control his horror. Don't even get me started on her mother, who obviously never had that all important mother-daughter conversation about the benefits of a good brassiere. Shame on you lady!

Nicholas Zitzmann trying to sing Unchained Melody. That's just sad. The guys at the office, the ones who encouraged him to try out for American Idol, must have had their payoff big last night. Watch your backs boys, there's psycho in his eyes. He'll make you pay.



Eric Chapman almost got his ass kicked by security, when he suddenly decided he wanted to assault Simon with some hair gel. I wish they had beat on him, just for being a Taylor-want-to-be. Way, way out of your league buddy! Stick with cutting hair.

There is so much more to say about this horrifyingly funny television program, but that's all I have time for now. More to come.

If you missed it go here and click on the Seattle Recap for a sampling of the weirdness.