Dining Out with Taylor Hicks

The gray hair, the smoldering eyes - imagine you've found yourself seated at a table for two with American Idol contestant Taylor Hicks. You feel proud to be out with the man who can so easily admit to having been the Easter Bunny at a mall. The waiter introduces himself and starts to tell you the specials. That's when the evening begins to take a strange slant. As the specials are described, Taylor follows each one up with a "Wooo" and his torso angles sideways, his neck stiffens. People are beginning to stare and you realize this is not going to be the kind of evening you had in mind.

You wonder if the guy has some kind of affliction - a good natured Tourette's Syndrome perhaps? Is he for real, full of adrenaline from the joy of living life and making music?

The wine arrives, none too soon and Taylor proposes a toast "to happiness". That's really sweet, all Taylor wants is to be happy. You take a nice long draw of the much needed beverage, a hearty Merlot, but as you swallow, Taylor reacts to the rich wine with another hoot, a holler and movement to the side that almost knocks him out of his chair. Wine comes out of your nose, which brings forth another spastic outburst from the good looking odd ball.

You order dinner, but it arrives in doggy bags. You are politely being asked to leave the first class restaurant and dinner is free of charge. Taylor is ecstatic, he doesn't know he's just been slighted. He whoops it up on the way out, thanking the waiters, the maitre d' and anyone who will listen, for what he perceives as a free picnic.

"Ain't Los Angeles great?" he marvels as you stroll to a nearby park, where you munch dinner out of containers. He's easier to be with outside of the confines of a busy restaurant. This has turned into a fun and memorable date, but you're still relieved when it's time to say goodnight and he doesn't try to plant one on you. Getting too close to Taylor Hicks doesn't seem like a safe bet.

But I am betting on him to be the winner of this year's American Idol.