The American Idol Circus of the Disturbed

The show begins and Ryan Seacrest proudly states "This is American Idol". Naw, we're not buying it these days, we know what it really is and it doesn't have much to do with Idols. It does have to do with Americans though and the show definitely gives us reason to question being proud to be an American. Lucky, yes. Proud, NO!

Simon, Paula and Randy looked like they were at the end of the audition process, not just starting off. It isn't the same is it? The energy is not there and lets face it, once you've seen a few crazies, you've seen all the crazies... almost.

There won't ever be another Kenneth Bush-baby Briggs, but there were a few stand outs on Tuesday night's 2008 premier of American Idol.

Alexis Cohen. She's peculiar, but the audition doesn't go as badly as one might have thought by the look of her and her questionable mental stability. Simon says she might do well in a 60's cover band and after she leaves he remarks to Randy and Paula that she looks like Willem Dafoe. Once she is outside the audition room, there is no more question about her mental health. She goes on a tirade and her mother mumbles things to her like "Simon is English, this is number one, somebody found him and pushed him, years and years and years." Alexis wants to be a vet or an actor. Singing has already gone by the wayside. Alexis leaves with her dignity, as you can see.

Mylo Turk is too old to qualify to be on American Idol, but he's there anyway for some unknown reason, other than he must have a hell of an agent. He's all over the Internet and has made previous appearances on other television shows with his song about abstinence "No Sex Allowed". Someone should tell him there's a difference between abstinence and just not being able to score.

Ahhhhh, a reprieve. Kristy Lee Cook. An American Girl, or at least the way American girls used to be thought of before the likes of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and other sleazy spoiled children started showing their privates and getting arrested for drunk driving. Kristy lives in a log cabin and rides horses. And she can sing. Seems to me that Hollywood is the last place this lovely lady should be going. Stay in the cabin, sing to your horses, don't go to Hollywood.

Okay, back to the loons.

Paul Marturano must have the same agent as Mylo Turk. He's past the age limit too and does a creepy stalker impersonation, singing a stalking song to Paula that include lyrics like: "If she were a doggie, I'd walk her. If she were a blackboard, I'd chalk her. If I were Columbo, I'd Peter Falk her." He's allowed to finish the song, which makes no sense.

My favorite quote from last night's show was one of the loosers, as he left the building looking at the camera and declaring "I'm going to be big by myself". Yup, you go do that, no need to let us know how that's working out for you.

Christina Tolisano, a self confessed Star Wars Geek, dressed as Princess Leah.... well, she had hair like Leah, but she'd lost her costume to Ben Haar, unfortunately. So she settled for a kind of Princess Leah street walker look. She wasn't quite right in the head and when she didn't get a ticket to Hollywood, she proved to have quite a mouth on her, which makes her seem well suited for her future work as a corrections officer. Not that corrections officers are foul mouthed, but it probably helps not to be shocked by such language.

Two more hours of American Idol auditions tonight. Oh goody.